


It All Starts With A Kiss

by Sayuri_no_Hanataba



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Also this is my first time writing this kind of stuff so, F/M, Implied Alice/Oz, Love Triangles, M/M, Multi, NSFW, One-Sided Relationship, One-sided Break/Gil, One-sided Gil/Oz - Freeform, PH Month, PH Month: Second Week, Pandora Hearts Month, Pandora Hearts Month: Second Week, Please be gentle, Pun may or may not have been intended, R-18, Shipping (Canon/Rare/Crack Ships), The M rated stuff occurs between Break and Gil for those of you that need to know, Wow that's a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-27 01:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12070794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sayuri_no_Hanataba/pseuds/Sayuri_no_Hanataba
Summary: "It wasn't love. It could never be. But if Gilbert had to give up something as precious as the physical aspects of love; something that was just as precious as its emotional counterpart, he always found that there was no one better to trust it with than Break." One-sided Break/Gil, One-sided Gil/Oz, Implied Alice/Oz





	1. It All Starts With A Kiss

Miserable.

That was the image that nineteen year-old Gilbert Nightray way portraying.

It was quite a pitiful sight, really. Imagine, a tall, charming young man sitting hunched over in a secluded little corner of the park, who tainted his own handsomeness by sporting a surly look on his otherwise alluring face. In addition to that he was fully clad in black, as if his expression and posture was not enough to tell the world that he was brooding.

But it didn't end there. All around his lonely little bench was nature in full-bloom, making the depressed man stand out even more. The evergreen grass beneath his feet gleamed with fresh raindrops from the sudden spell of rain that struck earlier that day. A few meters ahead was a wall made out of thick, rectangular green hedges that lined the right side of the pathway extending as far as the eye could see. Behind him was a neatly manicured row of various vivid coloured flower beds that included blood crimson, pastel pink, honey yellow, sky blue and even snow white. In regular intervals on the same row were tall, ancient oak trees that sheltered him from much-needed sunlight. Their leaves danced lethargically in the gentle breeze.

Every now and then people would walk past him, usually a young couple or a family. That only served to worsen his mood for some strange reason. But he too probably gave off uncomfortable vibes to the unfortunate passer-byes, so in a way they were all even. For what exactly? He wasn't sure.

Meanwhile, at some other location in the same park, Xerxes Break was currently taking an idle stroll down the secluded pathway leading to his favourite attraction of this particular park: a large, marble fountain situated in the alcove at the end of this long, isolated path. He enjoyed that particular location because of the constant, soft splashing sound of the water which always seemed to calm him down when he was troubled. The perfect place to find peace.

Though, to say that he was troubled at that moment was technically incorrect.

The word, 'uncomfortable' seemed a bit more appropriate.

It had been quite a while since he had received any updates about the Nightrays from his precious left eye, Gilbert. He knew that there was nothing to worry about – after all, he _had_ trained the young man well to handle most situations – but it was still a mystery as to why Gilbert would be out of contact for so long.

The only logical conclusion he could come to was that _something_ was wrong; something that Break had not taught Gilbert how to handle, and it was that thought that made him uncomfortable. _Surely_ he had covered everything, hadn't he?

Going directly to the Nightray Mansion was out of the question, and calling the man was unadvisable. Usually they would meet somewhere along this very pathway at least once every two weeks in case Gilbert had any progress reports, which he didn't that often. One could never be too cautious though.

But ever since Gilbert had joined Pandora a year ago, bumping into him had become a more common occurrence. Rather, it happened almost daily since he worked directly under Break so their number of meetings in the park reduced significantly as a result. But lately he hadn't even showed up in the workplace, so Break resorted to coming back here with the hope that he would find Gilbert.

And after a few more minutes of walking, his hopes were not dashed.

There, sitting all alone on the middle of a bench made for two was Gilbert, oblivious as always to the heavy aura of misery and discontent he was giving off.

Break didn't know whether to sigh in relief of grin in amusement.

"I thought you'd be here~" sang Break as he approached the brooding man, who started at the sound of Break's voice.

"Break!" exclaimed Gilbert, sounding more surprised than he should've been. "Wh-what're you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," countered Break while idly twirling his umbrella. The object was solely for the purpose of show and nothing else, though sometimes it _did_ actually help in the rain – if it wasn't anything more than a drizzle.

"You've got some nerve skipping work without prior notice, _Raven_ ~ Mind telling your superior here what could've caused you to do such a thing?"

Gilbert turned back to staring intently at a particular patch of grass that he had been long before Break arrived. The latter trailed his eyes in the same direction, and soundly deduced within three seconds that it wasn't exactly the most fascinating patch of grass either man had even laid their eyes upon.

"...No reason," answered Gilbert eventually.

Break sighed.

"You know, eventually you'll end up telling me one way or the other," he started as he a moved to take a seat beside Gilbert, who scooted a little to the left to make room. "So we might as well cut to the chase, no?" suggested the man with a condescending smirk.

Gilbert glared in annoyance at Break from the corner of his eye. Break simply turned to look elsewhere, cheeky smile never fading.

The two men sat in silence for some time. The only sound present was that of the birds chirping in the trees and the occasional rustling of the leaves.

At last, Gilbert began to speak. "It's just... family problems."

"…Again?" inquired Break. That was it? And here he thought it was something new. Something worrisome.

"Yeah..." Gilbert paused, eyebrows quirking in confusion. "No. Or maybe..." Another pause. "Sort of?"

Break raised an eyebrow. "Make up your mind. And if you can't then just get on with it already."

All of a sudden, Gilbert's cheeks turned rosy pink.

"U-um... I don't really... I mean- How should I...?"

The older male patiently waited for Gilbert to sort out his thoughts. Just because it was family problems again didn't mean he could lower his guard. After all, anything could be a potential roadblock to their goals if not dealt with appropriately. At last, Gilbert seemed to have calmed down a bit and he took a deep breath before starting from the beginning.

"As you know, the Nightrays tend to get involved in… shady business every now and then. And you also know that the Duke usually leaves those kind of matter to Vincent and I."

Break nodded. Gilbert continued. "Well... The truth is, there are still some things I have to learn..."

"...What kind of things?"

Gilbert fidgeted, and once again his cheeks began to darken in colour. "Things like..." He swallowed, before pressing on in a smaller voice. "Th-the kind of things that Vincent is good at..."

Break blinked.

"I-I always thought it'd work out if we separated the jobs," huffed Gilbert, doing his best to sound more irritated than flustered. "He'd take care of _those_ kind of tasks while I handled the more… aggressive ones. But lately..." he trailed off.

"It wasn't good enough?" guessed Break, as he slowly realised where this was going.

Gilbert nodded. "There are times when Vince is not available, or not suited for the job for certain reasons. The Duke has held back in the past but now he's started to implicitly express his disapproval at my… incapability to adapt to various situations. Vincent has no problem with anything thrown at his way but I...!" Gilbert paused abruptly, biting back the outburst, but then dropped his face in his hands in mortification. "I've never… and- I don't even... know how to... to ki…"

Break knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help but snigger at Gilbert's dilemma. Honestly, the man got worked up over the strangest of issues. However, Break's light mood vanished just as quickly as it came. He knew this was still a potential problem. Gilbert could not give the Nightrays any reason to criticize his talents or give them an excuse not to trust him with any task.

So, as Gilbert's self-proclaimed mentor, Break easily knew what the solution to Gilbert's problem was.

But that solution came with a whole new set of problems...

While Gilbert went back to wallowing in self-pity, Break began to ponder.

Like all the other things he'd done, Break would have to... _teach_ Gilbert how _those_ things were done as well. Ideally it were best if Gilbert learned on his own, but he knew it was impossible. Gilbert proved to be absolutely horrible at dealing with women on from the few attempts he was forced to make in the past. Either he never knew what to do or he'd become so nervous that he would royally screw up somehow. There was also the fact that if Gilbert had been capable of getting a partner in the first place, then they wouldn't even be here, discussing such an issue to begin with.

Gilbert would be against the idea, that was a given. But really, what choice did he have? Such things could only be learned and overcome by experience. And Break knew that at the end of the day Gilbert would not leave this problem unresolved.

It was all for his Young Master's sake, after all.

But... How far would Gilbert go for the boy? How many times was he going to sacrifice his own heart for a person who may not even be alive anymore?

And as for Break...

He knew it was wrong. True, they had long ago agreed to use each other liberally as means to reach ends; to achieve their own personal goals. But this time was different. This time he would quite literally be _using_ the young man because...

Because he wanted Gilbert.

He wanted him just as badly as Raven probably wanted his Master. He had for quite some time now.

So in a way, this solution of his was a very, very unhealthy one. Not to mention crazy, dangerous, and just plain bad.

"...What are you going to do about it?" asked Break finally once he had resurfaced from his thoughts.

"I... don't know," answered Gilbert truthfully while staring down at his own gloved hands, as though he were trying to seek out hidden answers written on them. "I know that the only solution is to... to just… b-but I... can't…"

Break took a deep breath, preparing himself to speak the words he would surely regret later on.

"You have no choice," declared Break while standing up. "You've reached another roadblock on you path to saving that Young Master of yours. Now, how will you overcome it?"

Young Master.

Oz.

The magic word.

Gilbert's eyes widened.

Break felt guilty when he saw the conflict in Gilbert's expression, and so he decided to take control of the situation. With a heavy sigh, he said, "I guess it can't be helped. I'll teach you everything you have to know, just like always."

Silence.

"…E-excuse me?" breathed a flabbergasted Gilbert, fully aware of the implication behind Break's words.

"Must I really repeat myself? I said that I'll teach yo-"

"N-n-n-no!" stuttered Gilbert. "Wh-what's wrong with you?! You can't possibly-"

"You'll never earn the Nightrays' trust this way," interrupted Break, before pushing on with a question that would surely provoke the adopted Nightray. "Do you really want your Master to be doomed forever?"

Gilbert lowered his gaze, and Break did his best to swallow the guilt that was surfacing from his core once more. "...Of course not. I… I'd do anything to get him back. Anything at all. But it's just..." After a while he glanced up at the red-eyed man. "Wh-why are you going so far to help me anyway? It's not like you at all."

Break had been anticipating such a question so he barely skipped a beat with his answer. "I told you before, didn't I? You're my precious left eye. My secret weapon. I will use anyone and do anything it takes to achieve my goals, even if it's something like this."

For a moment Break stared hard at Gilbert, before lowering his gaze and mumbling, "Compared to what I've done in the past, this is nothing…" Then, with a shake of his head, he continued before Raven could question him. "That's why, if the Nightrays find something lacking within you, I shall help you make up for it."

Of course, there was more to his motives than Break would ever let on. As sick and shameful as it sounded, a small part of him wanted to use this situation to his advantage. He knew he could never claim Gilbert for himself but that fact just couldn't douse his yearnings for the younger man. Naturally he would never reveal this truth to Gilbert. But luckily Break also had a valid reason for all this; to make Gilbert to be the perfect spy – it was the perfect alibi.

Not for the first time in his life, Gilbert was utterly amazed by Break's determination. Just what exactly was this 'goal' that he was trying to achieve? What was it that was driving him to the extent of obsession? He wanted to ask, because they were too similar in this aspect. Both were willing to do whatever it took to gain something precious at the end of the day. For Gilbert, it was his beloved Master. But what about Break? What could possibly be considered precious to _this_ man?

His chance to voice his query was lost, for Break ended the discussion with the same piece of advice that he drilled into Gilbert's head at every opportunity.

"Don't forget, Gilbert... You have to do the same. Good things don't come to those who sit around and wait patiently. You have to be selfish and proactive if you want to survive in this world."

Despite having heard them so many times before, Gilbert absorbed every single word and nodded solemnly, immediately after which he felt an indescribable weight of all that he just accepted with that simple gesture.

He always had this tiny little spark of hope in his heart that perhaps somehow, someday, he and Oz could be together despite how their situations and backgrounds said otherwise. There was no one else he would ever entrust his heart to except his Master. He had also always hoped that perhaps Oz would be his 'first'... which, again, just didn't seem possible no matter which angle he looked at it.

Then reality came crashing and knocked some sense into him. If Gilbert _knew_ it was impossible, then why bother saving something as silly as a 'first' anything? It's not as though he was required to fixate his heart on anyone else, but by sacrificing the more physical aspects of love, he would at least have Oz return to his side once more.

 _Then_ , maybe... Just maybe...

"S-so what do I... We... What now?" asked Gilbert timidly.

Break moved to stand before Gilbert and started twirling his umbrella again, faintly smirking down at the younger man. "You have a long way to go, Gilbert. You should already know what the Nightrays expect from you. It goes far beyond than just hollow utterances of passion. But don't worry about all that right now. What's important is the first step."

"...Um… M-making advances…?" mumbled Gilbert, as his face coloured in embarrassment.

Break chuckled softly. "No, that will not be necessary." Then, under his breath he added, "Though it would be amusing to see you try."

Gilbert glared up at Break, but any effect it might've had was marred by the obvious tinge of red still dusting his cheeks. "I can hear you, you know."

Break's smirk simply grew wider. "What I meant was that someone like you doesn't _need_ to take the initiative! Just act like your usual, useless self and women will instantly be all over you. After that you simply have to respond positively to _their_ advances, because you're a unique type of man who should not approach, but rather, is approached. The rest that happens is what I'm going to teach you."

Gilbert felt a vein throb in his temple at each disguised insult that Break had oh-so-casually slipped in. Perhaps he really should've just tackled this problem on his own.

"Well?" prompted Gilbert impatiently. "Enlighten me. What exactly am I supposed to do then?"

Break stopped twirling his umbrella. "Very well." He bent over all of a sudden, leaving barely inches of space between their faces. Gilbert reflexively leaned back a bit, but Break just kept coming closer. Eventually Gilbert's back was pressed up against the bench and he could retreat no further.

"You see, Gilbert..." murmured Break once his lips were ghosting over Gilbert's, before lowering his rather small umbrella over their heads to shield their faces from any passer-byes.

"...It all starts with a kiss."

And then, to emphasise his point, Break closed his eye and firmly pressed his lips against Gilbert's.

The latter's own eyes were wide from shock in comparison. Break simply stayed put for a few seconds, allowing Gilbert to get used to the feeling while documenting the experience in his own mind. As expected… Gilbert's lips were just as soft and smooth as they looked, and their warmth sent a jolt down Break's spine. Something so wrong, yet so right… His heart hammered in his chest from the thrill.

Slowly, eventually, the Mad Hatter pulled back while simultaneously raising his umbrella. When he opened his eye again, Break was met by the sight of a tomato-faced, trembling Gilbert who looked as though he would faint at any second.

He sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought.

Gilbert, for his part, was feeling dangerously light-headed. He had just gotten _kissed by Xerxes Break_ of all people! And it was his very first kiss to boot. It was all he could do but constantly remind himself that it was for Oz's sake just to prevent his consciousness – and perhaps sanity – from deserting him.

When Gilbert finally did get his senses back to normal he noticed Break walking away, back in the direction he had come from. Feeling an unusual sense of panic, he called out to the man.

"W-wait! Where are yo-"

"That's all for today's lesson," interrupted Break, as he stopped in his tracks. "You're clearly overwhelmed and the last thing I need is for you to cause a scene in public. We're going to go slow..."

He looked back over his shoulder, and for a moment Gilbert could've sworn the man's usually ghostly white complexion was a bit... pink. However, he waved it off as his mind playing tricks on him, because how could _Break_ possibly be _blushing_ , especially when he had that usual, annoying smirk on?

Impossible.

"...Understand?"


	2. Empty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NSFW content ahead.

Break was a surprisingly good teacher. Not only in terms of... skill... but he kept to his word and took things slowly so as to not overwhelm his student. Every time they met after that day, Break had made it a routine to kiss Gilbert at least once without fail.

Naturally such a brazen action was unadvisable, considering they mostly met in the workplace or in the park – people would eventually notice and wonder why Gilbert always returned red-faced after meeting with Break. But whether it was a greeting kiss, parting one, or even just one for the sake of teasing the younger man, Break made it a routine to never miss an opportunity – or make one if needed.

When Gilbert no longer looked as though he would faint from a single, somewhat innocent kiss, Break decided it was time to initiate the first proper lesson: how to kiss back. He insisted it was fairly simple, but not surprisingly, this was a great challenge for the younger male at first since embarrassment lead to clumsiness. There was a brief period during which Gilbert nearly gave up completely, insisting he had reached his limit. Yet in the end he persevered, spurred on by Break's relentless reminder of his missing Master and the threat of the Nightrays.

It was not long before Gilbert proved himself to be an astonishingly quick learner, and eventually he was able to move perfectly in sync with Break. The latter almost felt pleased if it weren't for the disturbing fact that Gilbert's swift improvement was triggered only after the long pep talk Break had given him to stop him from giving up.

So, that was the very basics down. They might've moved on if Break hadn't noticed how tense Gilbert always was during their lessons. It was a slight effort but the ruby-eyed man somehow coaxed Gilbert into relaxing more. Strangely, Gilbert was more likely to do so if Break acted like his usual, irritating self. Apparently, the raven-haired male was not used to a serious Break (which was just plain rude, even _Break_ could be serious when he wanted to), thus became more self-conscious than usual.

Eventually Gilbert no longer tensed, which was a sign for Break to move onto the next step. Gilbert had received quite a shock when Break one day decided to introduce tongue into the mix. As soon as he felt Break's lips part and the man's tongue sliding across his lips, his body stiffened just like that day when it all began. That's when Break decided to pull back.

Break could clearly see that Gilbert was nervous, which was okay because admittedly, he felt a bit nervous himself. This kind of kissing usually escalated quickly and Break wasn't sure if either of them was ready for that. So, Break had instructed Gilbert to relax and simply let him lead for now – but if he could, try to do what felt natural.

The younger male gave a tentative nod, after which Break resumed from where he left off. This time when he licked the seam of Gilbert's lips, the latter slowly parted his lips by a fraction. It was just enough, and when Break slipped his tongue past it earned him muffled gasp of surprise from Gilbert. At first he did absolutely nothing apart from stare wide-eyed at Break, whose own eye was closed as he slowly, gently explored his partner's mouth…

_"Just do whatever feels natural. Understand?"_

...But after a while Gilbert allowed his eyelids to slip shut, and he reached up to clutch at the lapels of Break's coat. The feel of Break's tongue gliding over his own was almost frightening with the way it set his body alight with a foreign emotion. And his heart was pounding so loudly in his ears that he wouldn't be surprised if Break could hear it to. All the strength had deserted Gilbert's knees and if it weren't for Break's arm around his waist, he would have surely collapsed by now.

It wasn't long before instinct took over and slowly, tentatively, Gilbert began moving his own tongue against the foreign one in his mouth. Break's eye shot open in response; he hadn't expected Gilbert to react so soon at all. The man really was a quick learner... In fact, in a startling moment of realisation it dawned upon Break that once he taught him everything he knew, Gilbert would probably grow to be a professional in such things, just like – if not better – than that damn sewer-rat brother of his.

The kiss didn't last long at all since Gilbert ran out of breath quite fast. When they parted, Break openly smirked at that fact, ending their day's lesson with by saying, "We're going to have to work on your breathing, Raven. You barely lasted a minute!"

That only earned him a smack on the head by the impressively large pile of paperwork Gilbert had been sent to deliver from Reim before he stomped out of Break's office, red-faced. When he was gone, Break started laughing at his own silliness.

_"A professional? Maybe. But he'll always be the same old useless Raven no matter what."_

***

Their new lessons took longer for Gilbert to master than originally expected, but eventually it came to the point where Gilbert would no longer tense up or react exaggeratedly to Break's advances. Suddenly being pinned to a wall and having the breath kissed out of him while walking down empty corridors was starting to become the norm for the young adopted Nightray. He was even able to keep up with Break's pace at one point, and that's when Break knew it was finally time to kick things up a notch...

But he couldn't do it.

He didn't know why, but he simply couldn't. Perhaps it was because of the daunting fact that Gilbert had never, _ever_ initiated any of their kisses. Not even once. It was always Break who made the first move, even when they would be completely alone together with no chances of anyone stumbling upon them. Gilbert knew that those were perfect conditions to 'practice', but he would never even suggest it. Instead he would wait. He would wait until the last minute, when either he or Break had to leave which was when the red-eyed man had to take matters into his own hands.

He would never ask Gilbert to correct such behaviour though.

Because to the adopted Nightray, that was the ultimate betrayal of his heart.

Although Gilbert seemed collected and determined on the outside, Break knew very well the pain he was concealing within his heart. The young man had never wanted any of this, so to take initiation on his own… he couldn't bring himself to betray his feelings for Oz like that. They both knew deep down that Gilbert couldn't keep up such an attitude forever. But for now at least, Break would respect this one wish.

That was why, for something like _that_... Break felt as though he needed some kind of permission. Or rather, an invitation from Gilbert that would allow him to take things further, even though Break was the one leading.

Then one day, it came.

It had been the last thing Break would have expected from Gilbert on a day like that one. The only indication he would have ever received was that Gilbert didn't seem like himself that time. Break pondered, after that day, what could possibly have led the young Nightray to become more emotional than usual. Eventually he could only assume that the man might've been plagued by dreams of his Young Master the night before. What kind of dreams? He couldn't be sure.

One evening, Gilbert visited the Rainsworth mansion in order to pass on some urgent Pandora-related documents to Break. But his short visit became prolonged when a heavy storm erupted during their tea time, preventing him from leaving until the skies cleared. It was well past midnight when they finally concluded that the storm wasn't going to subside any time soon. So before retiring to her room for the night, Sharon had instructed Break to show Gilbert to a guestroom before going to bed himself.

Gilbert simply nodded at Mistress and servant – all his words and actions that day had been quite minimal – before quietly following Break with an expression of badly concealed melancholy.

They walked down the long hallways in frosty silence, Break leading the way while the young Nightray lagged behind. There was something about the aura Gilbert gave off that discouraged Break from trying to cheer him up with his usual antics. Even Break had the sense to deem when tomfoolery was inappropriate. But it deeply bothered him that Gilbert didn't even try to hide his troubled state of mind, so Break pondered the entire way to the guestroom on how to take the other male's mind off his worries.

Eventually he could think of one thing only.

Break made sure to silently lock the door behind him after ushering Gilbert into the bedroom. The last thing he needed was for any of the night-duty servants to interrupt them now that they were finally alone.

Gilbert shed off his coat and cast away his cravat and hat, tossing them all on the dresser, oblivious to Break's lingering presence or the click of the door lock.

Then he turned around, and Break was on him.

The shock was evident in Gilbert's eyes, yet strangely Break found this to be a good sign. It was the first time Gilbert had shown any emotion other than misery today, so he was relieved to see that the younger man still retained his sense of self.

But then it was Break's turn to be surprised when Gilbert relaxed beneath Break's looming figure and snaked his arms around the elder's neck, closing his eyes while parting his lips readily. Break had been fully prepared to face Gilbert's wrath and be sent crashing into a wall for his behaviour. This kind of reaction could only mean that the young Nightray was either very used to Break's advances or he had been expecting it. Or perhaps even both.

It was almost always Gilbert who broke their kisses which served as a sign for both men to stop before things got any more heated, but on that particular night it went on for longer than usual. Break didn't notice however, soon becoming lost in the moment and unconsciously allowing his hands to roam. This had happened a few times before, but either he himself would notice and stop or Gilbert would pull away, uneasy.

But this time he was stopped by another reason entirely.

It was muffled, but unmistakable. Gilbert had moaned.

Break's eye shot wide open.

_"Wait... Don't tell me...?"_

It wasn't that unusual for Gilbert to make quiet sighs and whimpers when they kissed like this. In fact, sometimes Break would deliberately try and get the other man to release those sounds for his own personal satisfactions. But this time it was clearly different.

He instantly separated from Gilbert and stared at him, only to have his worst suspicions confirmed.

Gilbert sported a dark blush that went up to his ears and radiated an impressive amount of heat. His eyes were half lidded, but the lust they were glazed over with was unmistakable. He was panting slowly, clearly having a harder time than usual at catching his breath.

It was then when Break noticed how their bodies were pressed up against each other. At some point Break must've pinned Gilbert's wrists above his head with one hand without realising it, preventing Gilbert from pushing him away. One of his thighs had also wedged itself between Gilbert's legs, nudging apart. That inadvertently allowed Break to feel _something else_ pressed up against him

_"Oh my God... He's so..."_

Break's usual confidence suddenly abandoned him.

_"When? When did this happen? Why didn't I notice earlier? Why didn't he-"_

He was yanked out of his thoughts with a gasp when he felt something rub against his growing erection. Gilbert had started to move his hips back and forth unconsciously in a desperate attempt for some friction, biting his lip hard to suppress any sounds.

"B-Break..." groaned Gilbert. Just the way he said Break's name alone made him feel an unnecessary amount of heat rush down south. "I... I need..." What did he need again? Gilbert suddenly couldn't recall. His mind felt hazy, clouding out all other thoughts except the intense desire for… something.

But Break knew. And he could hold back no longer.

It all happened in the blink of an eye. Break dived in and captured Gilbert's lips in an open-mouthed kiss. The latter's mind was far too clouded with need to think straight anymore, and he eagerly responded to Break's kiss with another moan. Break let go of Gilbert's wrists and allowed his hands to roam more freely now, and although Gilbert tensed a bit, he didn't resist nor push the hands away.

Something had to be done about Gilbert's shirt, thought Break as they parted for air, and so he made short work of the shirt's golden clasps. Rather than pulling it off completely, he simply slipped it off the man's shoulders and allowed his hands to memorize ever contour of Gilbert's well-toned body.

 _"The body that_ I _helped shape..."_ though Break absentmindedly, being the one responsible for putting the Raven-wielder through many hellishly vigorous training sessions.

Gilbert was rolling his hips more openly and frequently now, letting out breathless gasps against Break's lips after particularly rough thrusts. Noticing this, Break decided to ease his suffering by speeding things up. It was a shame though, since it would've been nice to take this... whatever this was… nice and slow while savouring each moment of it.

Break's hands slowly travelled down from their current position on Gilbert's shoulders, lightly brushing the tips of each fingers down his chest, stroking his sides with his palms, before pausing on the man's hips.

 _"I'm going to be his first..."_ realised Break, though it was a little belated considering how it all began and how they reached to this point. _"No one else has ever seen him in this state. No one else has ever_ put _him in this state. Not even… not even his Young Master."_

For some reason, that thought gave him a strange sense of accomplishment.

_"This perfect, unmarred body... I shall be the one to taint it."_

Finally, Break let one of his hands slide lower… until it rested upon the source of Gilbert's troubles. The man immediately responded with a sudden jerk of his hips and a low groan. Break slowly began massaging him through his pants, storing each and every delicious sound of approval made by Gilbert in his memory. Break could feel him getting harder and soon he noticed the slight look of pain on Gilbert's face, brought on by the strain of his constricted pants.

With his other hand, he discreetly undid Gilbert's pants and pushed them aside, then proceeded to slide his underwear down. Gilbert yelped in embarrassment and for a moment Break thought he would push him away, so he quickly distracted the younger man by capturing his lips in another deep kiss.

Gilbert responded right away and with his attention diverted for now, Break uncovered the former's throbbing erection and lightly stroked the length with the tip of his finger. Gilbert trembled at the touch and his eyes fluttered shut, letting out a long sigh of satisfaction at being freed from the restraint of his clothing. Break repeated the action a few more times before gently enclosing his hand around the shaft, then started to pump his hands up and down at an excruciatingly slow pace. A shudder ran down his spine at how big and hard the other man already was just from some kissing.

Gilbert moaned into the kiss and bucked his hips, encouraging Break to speed up the pace. The latter used his thumb to rub the tip, prompting Gilbert to break the kiss and bury his burning face against Break's neck to muffle a cry of pleasure. Gilbert was panting heavily at each firm stroke and his face burned even hotter when he felt Break tease his slit, smearing the precum that was starting to gather there. Every now and then his hips would jerk forward shakily, and when this became more frequent, Break stopped completely.

There was a better way to satisfy the young Nightray.

Gilbert whined in disapproval at the lack of stimulation and attempted to glare at Break, but to the latter it seemed more like a pout than anything else. He couldn't hold back a chuckle at that and lowered himself until he was on his knees, shooting a sympathetic smile up at Gilbert.

"You don't think I was going to leave you unfinished, do you Gilbert?"

Said man felt a mix of embarrassment and annoyance at the way Break oh so casually spoke what was on Gilbert's mind, especially in such a smug manner. But before he had a chance to retort, Break reached up for Gilbert's hard-on with both hands before enclosing his mouth over the head, causing the young Nightray gasp breathily.

Slowly, Break managed to take the entire length into his mouth until it hit the back of his throat. His face flushed with a hot blush when his pants started to feel tight from experiencing just how big Gilbert really was, but he did his best to ignore it. Then, just as slowly as before, Break pulled back until only the tip was left in his mouth before pushing forward again, repeating this again and again until he established a steady rhythm.

Moans were spilling past Gilbert's lips one after another. The sensation of Break's hot, moist mouth gliding up and down his dick was clouding his mind with intense pleasure, making it harder and harder to cling onto a rational mindset. The lewd sucking noises Break was making wasn't helping either.

Moving one hand against the floor and the other around the base of Gilbert's erection, Break hollowed his cheeks and began sucking hard. Gilbert cried out in shock, clamping a hand over his mouth immediately to suppress any more loud noises. As hazy as his mind was, he somehow managed to remember where exactly they were and how late it was.

Gilbert cracked open an eye to gaze down at Break, whose face was quite flushed. Whether it was from embarrassment or from the effort, he couldn't tell.

"B-Break..." breathed Gilbert, but he was cut off when Break teased the slit of his dick with his tongue, making his breath hitch and brow furrow. "S-stop... Mmmh... Y-your mouth... That's… a-aaah...!"

Break opened his eye to look up at Gilbert, just as he sucked particularly hard while squeezing the base of his cock simultaneously. Gilbert immediately threw his head back and released a wanton moan, thrusting his hips forward instinctively. His hands snaked their way into Break's hair and gripped the silky silver locks firmly, doing his best not to tug too hard.

Seeing this as a sign of encouragement, Break picked up the pace. He rubbed his tongue against the throbbing organ in his mouth, pushing it deeper into his mouth until it hit the back of his throat. There was a sharp cry of pleasure from above and the hands in his hair tightened almost painfully as Gilbert felt himself approaching his end.

Gilbert was certain that there was no way he would last any longer if Break continued to do such amazing things with his tongue. A hot coil was tightening in his abdomen and his toes curled from the onslaught of pleasure. He was completely lost in the feeling, no other thought in his mind except the overpowering desire for release.

"Break!" gasped Gilbert, eyes flying open after one particularly hard suck. "I-I'm going to- haah..!"

Break hummed in acknowledgement, the vibrations from his voice emitting a breathless cry from Gilbert who was at his limit. He fisted Break's hair tightly, torn between pushing him away before he came or pulling him closer and having the man swallow his load…

Gilbert's eyes widened.

The very thought of releasing into that hot, wet mouth was Gilbert's undoing. He came with a hoarse cry of Break's name, hips jerking forward spastically as he rode out his orgasm. Gilbert's entire frame shook from the intensity of his release, mind going blank as a slate for several blissful seconds. Break held Gilbert's hips down to avoid suffocation and did his very best to swallow all the white, warm liquid flowing down his throat, but some of it still managed to spill onto the spotless carpet below.

Gilbert's orgasmic spasms subsided and Break slowly pulled back, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. By now Gilbert's knees had buckled and he slid down against the wall and onto the floor, panting heavily. Break, too, was still trying to catch his breath as he watched Gilbert, whose half-lidded gaze was trained aimlessly on the ceiling above. Upon seeing his deep red cheeks and tantalisingly moist lips, Break simply could not help himself and leaned forward, capturing those lips in a gentle kiss.

When they parted, Gilbert was staring at him with tired, empty eyes. There were some tears gathered in the corner of his eyes, Break noted as he stared back, feeling a bit unsettled all of a sudden. What was going through Gilbert's mind that very moment? For once he couldn't tell and that fact bothered him.

" _Perhaps he's… thinking about_ him _…"_

When Gilbert's unnervingly blank gaze did not waver, Break had to look away. The spike of anxiety slowly faded away while both men caught their breath as he realised that there was no reason for any of this to be awkward. After all, they both knew very well that something like this was bound to happen eventually. They may not have gone all the way yet, but they weren't far from their goal now.

"One more step..." murmured Break, catching Gilbert's attention. "We're one more step away from our goal."

Gilbert had regained some semblance of composure by now and tried to make sense of Break's words, awareness slowly returning to him.

"…Is that so…"

Break briefly watched Gilbert who was still staring at the ceiling, seemingly deep in thought. He then stood up and stretched briefly before dusting down his pants. Gilbert noticed movement from the corner of his eye and suddenly snapped back to reality. Quickly fixing his own pants, he called out for Break. "W-wait, where are you-"

"To bed," answered Break simply.

Gilbert blinked. "But... don't you need help... w-with..." he vaguely gestured towards the general direction of Break's legs, too shy to explicitly point out the obvious bulge in the man's pants.

Despite the strain of supressing his lust, Break managed a smirk. That little session of theirs turned him on much more than it probably should have, but he would not rush into things. They would go as slow as they needed to avoid burdening Gilbert with more than he could handle.

Not that Break would tell him any of that.

"Oh? I didn't think you were still eager for more, Gilbert~"

Said man spluttered in shock. "N-no! That's not what I-!"

He was cut off when Break started chuckling, shaking his head at Gilbert's predictableness. "Thanks, but no thanks. You're clearly exhausted, and I'm not _that_ unreasonable of a person. I'll handle it for tonight, so perhaps next time, hmm~?"

The young Nightray gulped. "Next time...?"

Break nodded, before turning to stare at Gilbert seriously. "Next time will be our final lesson. Next time, we will achieve our goal."

Gilbert's blinked in surprise, face turning scarlet at the implication of Break's words. "Y-you mean...?"

Break nodded. "We're going all the way."

There was a long silence between the two. An array of emotions swept through Gilbert and Break could see each and every one of them in those troubled golden eyes. So, to lighten the mood, Break said with a smirk, "But don't think for a second that you're going to top."

As expected, that statement had caught Gilbert's attention. "Wh-what?!" he spluttered, red faced. "I'm the one that has to… so I should…! I mean…" Gilbert trailed off, covering his burning face with his hands in mortification. Why did Break have to be so annoying?

"That's exactly why I'm going to top!" lilted Break. "You have to learn from what I do. That way, you will also get an idea of how your lover will react to what you do." All of a sudden his expression turned serious and he lowered his voice, no longer joking. "Your mission all depends on your partner's satisfaction with your performance. This way you'll have an idea of what to do and what not to do. The rest is up to you and how you feel you should act when the time comes."

Break turned on his heel with a light sigh. "Well, that's all in the future. For now, just clear your head and get some rest." He made his way for the door, pausing only to glance over his shoulder briefly.

"Goodnight."

Unlocking the door as quietly as he could, Break slipped out into the dark hallway before closing the door behind him just as silently, leaving Gilbert alone with his thoughts.

_"The rest is up to you..."_

It echoed in his mind again and again, making Gilbert shudder. For some reason, it sounded far more ominous than it should have. Also, from what he could tell, these dubious "lessons" of theirs would be ending quite soon if he could keep up with them. Gilbert knew he should've been somewhat glad that he no longer had to partake in these traitorous acts of intimacy any more, but for some reason he didn't. However, it wasn't as though he was disappointed either.

His heart was still as loyal to Oz as ever. But deep down Gilbert knew that it was almost impossible to be with his Master. So that day in the park when Break had first kissed him, Gilbert had asked himself...

Since Oz was out of the question… if he had to give up the physical aspects of love to anyone else, who would he be the most comfortable with choosing? He would think about it every now and then, and even now he was thinking about it.

Who? Who would he trust? Who _could_ he trust?

Strangely, it always came down to Break at the end of the day.

Out of all the people, Break was the only one that truly knew Gilbert better than anyone else apart from his Master. He was the one that extended a helping hand to him when others turned their backs on him and Oz, shunning the possibility that the latter was actually alive. True, he did it for his personal gain, but Gilbert was always more than ready to overlook that fact if it meant having Oz back. In turn, Break overlooked the unimaginably tedious task of transforming Gilbert from a useless servant boy into a (somewhat) self-capable nobleman. No matter what troubled him, Break would take time to listen and, like recently, go out of his way just to resolve those troubles no matter what lengths he had to go through.

It wasn't love. It could never be. But if Gilbert had to give up something as precious as the physical aspects of love; something that was just as precious as its emotional counterpart, he always found that there was no one better to trust it with than Break. Sure, he had a tendency to play around far too much but he was just as reliable and trustworthy as he was irritating. And to Gilbert, Break was _the_ most irritating person he knew.

Gilbert was neither happy nor sad. He didn't know what he was feeling. He didn't know _how_ to feel.

He felt empty.


	3. Then and Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes a large chunk of episode 20 of the anime as well as my own take on what happens in between and after the celebration party ends.

Oz was finally back.

After ten long, lonely years, Oz had finally returned from the inescapable Abyss.

But Gilbert wasn't the one to save him, as he had planned to for the past decade. Oz had managed to do it himself. Apparently, he hadn't needed Gilbert at all since Alice had been there instead. What took Gilbert ten years just to prepare for, Alice had done within a matter of minutes. But the price had been his Master's very life, which was what Gilbert had been striving to preserve all these years.

Was there a limit to how unfair life could get?

It was four years since Gilbert and Break had last been even remotely intimate with each other. After that promised night of the final lesson, things had somehow returned to normal – almost _too_ normal, as though those days had never even existed to begin with. By the present, their time together could even be considered forgotten. Gilbert obviously would never speak of such things in front of his Master or anyone else for that matter, while Break knew that those days were not something to joke about, and thus, he never brought it up either. Their time together only emerged in their thoughts during the late hours of the night, when melancholy and solitude was at its peak.

Gilbert would always feel shame for thinking about such things when there was no need to, now that Oz was back. Sometimes he would feel doubt. It had only been four years since then... What if he had not proceeded with Break's plan that day? Oz was going to escape on his own anyway, right? Then why did he have to go through all the trouble of changing himself like _that_ for the Nightrays?

But if he hadn't change, the Nightrays would have no use for him, making him a useless 'left eye'. That wouldn't have been fair to Break, would it? In the end, he would feel a pang of regret. Though he really shouldn't have, because it wasn't as though the fact that he and Oz could never be together had magically changed for the better

If only that stupid spark of hope would leave him...

Break, on the other hand, didn't have such complex thoughts. From the very start he knew that he should refrain from indulging in excessive acts of intimacy with Gilbert. It would certainly become a habit he would miss later otherwise. However, he had no idea that just one little taste of the forbidden fruit would've been enough to get him hooked, and so all he had left at the end of the day was regret. Regret for allowing himself that one little but lethal taste, because now he longed for it during the late and lonely nights.

A lot had happened since Oz's return. They had just recently encountered the Baskervilles during a visit to Ada's school (or rather, when he, Gilbert and Alice had broken in with the help of Oscar). There, Oz had encountered and became fond of Elliot Nightray, Gilbert's step-brother and a boy who hated the Vessalius family with a burning passion.

It was currently tea time, with Break nearly done with his cup while Gilbert and Oz sulked on the sofa over the events that transpired at Ada's school. Alice had been whisked away by Sharon not too long ago after having entered her "girly-mode". Break smiled grimly at the memory. Poor Alice. He wasn't the type to pity others but it _was Sharon_ they were talking abo-

"What a big bad wolf, playING TRICKS ON A LITTLE RABBIT!"

Break and Gilbert simultaneously did a spit-take on their tea in astonishment.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

_SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!_

"O-Oz? Are you alright?! Oz!" cried Gilbert, rushing to his Master's side.

"Ojou-sama, what-?"

"...Kiss..." mumbled Sharon.

"...Pardon?"

Sharon straightened and pointed an accusing paper harisen at Oz, who was currently flat on his face with an impressive tower of bumps on the back of his head, courtesy of Sharon.

"HE K-K-K-KISSED HER! HE KISSED SWEET LITTLE ALICE!"

Gilbert froze. Break paled.

For a split second, Break's eye instantly darted towards Gilbert. The man was still squatting beside Oz, but his teacup was suspended in mid-air, his face had gone ghostly white and his eyes were wide and unseeing.

"Wh... When...?" asked Break hesitantly.

"WHEN THEY WERE IN THE ABYSS! How dare he trick a young maiden and ruin her innocence?!"

Well... first he'd have to clear the misunderstanding... Not that it would help that much, he suspected.

With a forced smile, Break said, "Illegal Contractors seal the Contract by receiving the blood of the Chain. I think Alice thought mouth-to-mouth would be the best way to transfer her blood to Oz-kun."

Sharon's hands began to twitch after she understood the implication behind Break's words. "H-how disgusting, Master Oz...! Why didn't you mention earlier that it was to seal the Contract?" she asked, hiding both paper harisens behind her back just in time before Oz raised his head.

"I would have, if I had the chance to..." he mumbled weakly. "We were in quite a pinch at that time too so there wasn't much time to think about anything."

Gilbert began backing up against the wall, still in a state of apparent shell-shock. "Oz... Kiss-?"

But before he could say anymore, the door was slammed open right into Gilbert's face and Oscar stepped in flanked by two maids – one had short brown hair and the other's long black hair was tied into twin ponytails.

The door and Oscar's entrance cut off anything else Gilbert might've wanted to say, after which the man declared he wanted to celebrate their safe return from Lutwidge Academy with some special 'juice'. Not wanting to spoil the happy atmosphere, Gilbert reluctantly raised his glass to the toast just as everyone else did.

All hell broke loose after that.

Apparently, Oscar forgot to mention one vital piece of information: that the 'juice' contained alcohol. Gilbert was the first one to succumb to drunkenness after just one glass of the stuff, followed shortly by Alice and Sharon. All three of them had passed out at random areas of the lounge so, having nothing better to do, Oscar decided to have a little chat with his nephew on the sofa.

That's when Alice suddenly got up from her place on the floor and claimed it was hot, after which she began to strip in a very suggestive manner. Oz did his best to stop her but at the end she had her way, though Oz had to pay the price with a 'v-jab' to his eyes. He had tried asking Sharon for help but it was no use; the girl was in her own little world, believing she was a queen and Oz wasn't quite emotionally ready to get on his knees and beg for her help.

All of a sudden Gilbert could be heard, insulting a vase that he somehow believed to be Alice. The poor inanimate object did nothing but sit there, facing the heavily drunk man and his equally drunk tantrum. With the help of Oz and the brunette maid however, Gilbert was kindly re-directed towards the real Alice (who, by now, was thankfully dressed).

The two of them began their incomprehensible verbal sparring that came to an abrupt halt when B-Rabbit's seal had been broken, which Gilbert quickly amended by pulling his Young Master close to his chest and placing a hand on his head, thus re-sealing B-Rabbit's powers. Unfortunately, their closeness ignited Alice' jealousy and the two began fighting over Oz. Luckily Sharon saved the day (or rather, Eques did) and sent the noisy pair to goodness-knows-where for a while, until Oz managed to convince her to bring them back.

Once they had returned, Sharon – who seemed have sobered up a bit - gave them a painful lecture aided by her trusty paper harisen about how it was rude to use a human being as a tug-of-war rope, especially if that was the particular person you were fighting over (poor Oz was to have sore shoulder joints for at least a week after that).

Yes, it was truly an amusing night. Everyone seemed to be in a somewhat light mood for the first time since Oz's return from the Abyss.

Though, it would be incorrect to say 'everyone', for there was still one suffering soul among them.

Alice had passed out soon after the lecture, which was when things quietened down. Having no one to argue with, Gilbert had disappeared to some obscure corner of the room to sulk now that his attention wasn't required anywhere else. Break, who had been joking around with a drowsy-looking Sharon, constantly found himself glancing back at Gilbert from the corner of his eye.

He was disturbingly quiet, and if Break hadn't been able to see Gilbert's face then he could've sworn the man had passed out as well. However, Gilbert simply sat there with a hand pressed to his forehead, pushing his bangs back. The expression he wore was a mix of distress and hopelessness.

Break was well aware of Gilbert's little 'spark of hope' - that one day he could be together with his Master, despite all odds. He had been aware of it from the very start, and he knew that the spark had been weakened by the latest revelation. He could tell that, although Gilbert was quiet and reasonably calm on the surface, he was hurting on the inside. The lost look in his eyes indicated deep contemplation and the way he would sometimes look as though he were about to burst into tears worried Break a little.

It was a bit silly, he'd admit, since it was only a kiss. And even then, the kiss was hardly one that had been consented to by Oz. But still, little things like that meant a lot to Gilbert even though the other did his best not to be so easily affected. Break was mildly surprised that he managed to notice this about him while no one else did. Perhaps Oz knew – no – _surely_ Oz noticed too, but the boy was good at hiding things so Break could never be sure.

Also, even if Oz knew, then what? It's not as though he was aware of Gilbert's feelings for him, and this much Break was certain of. Oz would always pass Gilbert's words and actions off as pure devotion, never looking beyond that and thinking that perhaps it was just a bit more than that.

Eventually it had gotten late, so after vandalising Oscar's face with a permanent marker, Break decided to take a breather from the party by heading out to the balcony. He had been contemplating about Elliot when Oz came and joined him, commenting on how everyone had passed out (again). The two talked for a while, but soon they were interrupted by an all-too-familiar voice that was slurred with drunkenness.

"Hey, what are you talking about?!" demanded Gilbert, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. Break and Oz turned towards him. "Don't you dare embarrass my master, Break!"

"Oh, he's here!" commented Oz warily as Gil swayed towards them, as though he were standing on the deck of a ship caught in a storm.

Break leaned back against the railings. "Ah, it's _The Drunkard_ again."

"Who's drunk...?" mumbled an annoyed Gilbert.

Oz smiled hopelessly at his servant. Who knew he'd be _this_ oblivious when drunk?

Gil walked (staggered) purposely (unsteadily) towards Oz with a determined (heavily confused) look on his face. "Master... I have - _hic_ \- something to tell you."

"Yes?" asked Oz, with a slightly puzzled look on his face.

Gilbert rested his hands on Oz's shoulders and hung his head low, causing Oz's eyes to widen by a fraction. "Please... I beg you... Please take better care of yourself..."

Oz's expression softened just as Gilbert shed a few, unseen tears.

"I'll be heartbroken if you didn't. Heartbroken..." At last he dropped to his knees, his hands slipping off Oz's shoulders after which he began to weep quietly in front of his master.

But Oz looked less bewildered and more as if he had seen this coming all along. "He even cries when he's drunk...?"

Break smiled. "He's so pathetic that it's not even funny."

Gilbert, on the other hand, was suddenly being faced by a pronoun crisis. "I... me... um... ummm... Which one...?"

"Do you want to use another First-Person Pronoun?" suggested a clearly amused Break. "Try using the royal 'me', 'we' or 'us'."

"Stop it, Break" said an exasperated Oz, before turning back to Gil. "Hey Gil, are you alright?"

Gil momentarily stopped crying and tilted his head up to look at Oz with a half-lidded gaze, before smiling as two more tears slip past his closed eyes. "Yes, Young Master."

Oz smile grew wider in delight. _"That's so nostalgic…"_

Then his expression softened once more and he kneeled beside Gil, who was leaning back against the railings now. "Gil. I'm sorry," said Oz as he gently placed his hand on Gil's head, stroking his hair a bit. "I've made you carry a heavy burden all along."

Break silently observed them with a stoic expression on his face.

"But, from now on, I'll try harder to take care of myself..." Oz stood up and moved to lean over the railings, just like he had before Gilbert arrived. "...Until I don't have to rely so heavily on you anymore."

"Oz, what are you saying?" asked Gilbert in apprehension.

Oz looked up towards the crescent moon. "First I need to start with catching up on things. Whether it's about me, or anyone else." He then turned to Gil, beaming. "So next time, tell me about yourself, and the Nightrays and everything that happened in the past ten years."

Gil had been staring at Oz; his eyebrows quivering as though he were trying not to cry again the whole time Oz spoke. Then, after a pause Oz said, "Well then, good night!"

"Oz!" cried Gil, reaching out for Oz's retreating figure.

Break hoisted himself onto the railing, totally unfazed at the fact that he could fall to his death if he lost his balance. "Well, well, I'm totally lost as to what just happened here." He idly watched Oz try and wake Alice, who didn't budge even the slightest. "But he's already in high spirits, so I guess it's all good" he finished while crossing his legs and looking down at Gil.

"You can stop worrying a little now," added Emily.

"Yeah, maybe... I can" said Gil at last, with a distressed yet tired look on his face. Break's eye narrowed a fraction.

All was silent apart from the rustling of the trees caused by the wind that lifted several stray leaves, carrying them away across the night sky.

"When you make that face, I know for a fact that you certainly _won't_ stop worrying."

"...Sorry," muttered Gilbert.

Break sighed, before getting off the railing to join Gilbert on the floor.

"He misunderstood..." said Gil after a while.

"Eh?"

Gilbert shut his eyes. "He thinks I don't want him to rely on me anymore."

_"But, from now on, I'll try harder to take care of myself... until I don't have to rely so heavily on you anymore."_

"That's not what I wanted... I- I just...!"

"Please don't start crying again," pleaded Break exaggeratedly. He had been trying to lighten the mood by provoking the man. But his efforts were in vain, for Gilbert simply ignored him and continued.

"...I just wanted him to be more on guard when I'm not around, otherwise he'll end up getting hurt."

"Um... Isn't that obvious?"

Gil shook his head in frustration and thought for a while. "...Oz isn't the type to get close to people, and yet that stupid rabbit did something like... like _that_... I'll never forgive her if she hurt Oz's feelings… Never…!"

_"Please... I beg you... Please take better care of yourself... I'll be heartbroken if you didn't. Heartbroken..."_

_"...So that's what he meant..."_ realised Break. _"Who knew he's still capable of thinking somewhat logically in his current state?"_ After a moment, another thought occurred to him. _"Or maybe he's just sobering up. He may be easily affected by alcohol, but he didn't drink much to begin with. That would explain why he's not hiccupping, or why his speech is becoming clearer."_

The two of them sat in silence after that, listening to the eerie sound of rustling leaves. The gentle breeze was starting to make Break feel a little drowsy, but he was snapped back to awareness when Gilbert suddenly began speaking again.

"Does... Does Oz not trust me...? Didn't he have faith in me that I'd come for him?"

"...He probably thought you were dead," reasoned Break, immediately understanding what Gilbert meant. "There's no helping it."

"There's no way I could die before my master!" cried Gil. Break looked at him, surprised at the outburst as well as the slightly frenzied edge to the man's voice. "I can't possibly die before Oz... Because that would mean that I failed as a servant to protect my master."

Gilbert drew his legs up and hugged his knees. "But the fact that Oz escaped without me means that he didn't even have faith that I'd survive."

Break gave him a sideways glance. "The boy was probably in danger and had no choice. Or maybe his guilt led him to think he killed you. There are many reasons, Gilbert. Don't just jump to conclusions."

There was a brief pause, as Gilbert's mind wandered back to what transpired between Alice and Oz.

"...Why? I never thought Oz of all people would be okay with something so special being stolen by a complete stranger... He's a boy that'll let no one get close to him, and yet he's letting _her_. He's letting _her_ assume that her actions are acceptable..."

Choosing to ignore the latter parts of his sentence, Break said, "Look, it was to seal the contract. It's not like he chose to do it. Alice must've forced herself on him..."

_"He's not even trying to conceal his jealousy. And he never liked Alice to begin with…"_

Gilbert pondered over that fact. Well, that was true. Oz had no idea as to how contracts were formed, and Alice was only trying to pass on blood. And they had been in the Abyss, for goodness sakes. Who knew what dangers lurked down there. Self-defence was the natural response to those threats.

The tiny spark of hope within Gilbert that had begun to flicker unsteadily earlier on stabilized once more, but it still remained just that; a tiny spark.

As though sensing the positive change within Gilbert, Break smiled faintly and stood up. "Well, it's seems that Oz has taken care of Alice while Ojou-sama managed to leave on her own. It's about time we head to bed as well."

He then held out a hand towards Gilbert, who looked up at him blankly for a moment, before snapping out of his daze and reaching out for Break's hand. Break pulled him up after which Gilbert began to sway unsteadily again, until finally he fell forward towards Break. The latter sidestepped just in time but grabbed hold of Gilbert's arm and sighed.

_"Still tipsy I see."_

After that, Break slung one of Gilbert's arms around his neck while placing one of his across the drunk man's back.

"I don't need your help, you know," muttered an annoyed Gilbert, but despite this he leaned against Break and allowed the man to steady him.

Break snorted. "Keep telling yourself that."

***

Oz gently placed Alice down on the bed before removing her boots and, after much deliberation, her coat. After that he opened the blankets and just when he had spread them over Alice's body, her eyes fluttered open.

"I want meat..." she mumbled sleepily.

"Not now," said Oz softly. "It's time for you to go to sleep. Look, it's already past midnight."

But Alice was having none of that.

"No! I don't want to sleep! I want meat!" she cried; her boundless energy somehow returning within seconds.

Oz sighed. He was too tired for this right now.

"Alice..." started Oz gently. "I promise I'll get you some meat tomorrow. So sleep for now, okay?"

Alice pouted in frustration. "You're lying. You're just trying to leave me."

Oz blinked in confusion. "...What do you mean?"

"You don't like me at all!" she whined, temporarily forgetting how she didn't like staying things like that straight to Oz's face. It was unbefitting of a master, after all. "You're always hanging out with that stupid seaweed head or the clown lately. Why are you so concerned with them?! You're obviously trying to leave my side, aren't you?" Alice averted her gaze. "You wouldn't do that unless you didn't like me…"

Oz gaped at her, never expecting to hear such honest, emotion-filled words from someone who always tried to hide them. Perhaps it was the alcohol's influence? Whatever it was, it made Oz feel a little guilty, having caused Alice to feel neglected.

"...You're wrong, Alice. You, Gil and... okay, maybe not really Break, but you and Gil mean a lot to me," he said, smiling warmly down at her. "Just like I'd never leave Gil's, I'd never leave your side either."

"...Lies," she mumbled after a while. "You just like the seaweed head more than me."

"That's not true, Alice. I like you both equally."

"No, you don't," she insisted, shutting her eyes. "You don't like me at all."

Since when was Alice so concerned about Oz's feelings towards her? And how did she even reach the conclusion that Oz disliked her? That was absurd. Oz had no reason to. Wasn't it obvious from everything that they had been through so far that Alice was an important person to him?

"I do! I really do. Believe me."

"Then kiss me and prove it!"

Silence.

Oz stared at her, wide eyed. Alice stared back with a determined look on her face and just from that, he realised exactly where this was going. At first, Oz assumed it was the alcohol again judging from the way her cheeks were still suspiciously red, but when he looked into those crystal-clear eyes, he knew that Alice was completely aware of what she was asking for.

"A-Alice…"

"Sharon said that two people kiss when they really like each other!" she pressed on.

"Alice, you're mistaken! And s-something like that... I-I can't- I mean, I've never even done that to Gi-"

"See?" she interrupted. "I knew you didn't like me..."

When he saw the pained look on her face, Oz couldn't help it. Hurting people was the very last thing he wanted to do, yet here he was hurting his precious sun.

It's not like he had anything to lose anyway. He was unworthy of loving and being loved. Who would even love a useless burden such as himself…?

So if that was the case...

With a soft sigh, he leaned down until his face hovered over hers. Alice didn't flinch. "...Are you sure about this, Alice? I don't want to be the target of Sharon's paper fan attack next time," he said jokingly.

"You won't be," murmured Alice, closing her eyes. "I promise..."

_"If it makes her happy..."_

"...Alright then."

With only a short pause of hesitance, Oz closed the gap between them and kissed her gently. Alice slowly wrapped her arms around Oz's neck and pulled him closer until he was forced to lift one knee up and onto the bed. He slid closer to her and supported his weight on his arms that were placed awkwardly on either side of the female Chain.

Unlike their first time, there was no panic nor roughness in their kiss. It was innocent and tender, causing both their hearts to skip a beat once they shyly started moving their lips against each other's', unable to resist the instinct.

When they parted, Alice's cheeks were flushed and Oz too had a tint of pink on his face, though it was barely discernible in the darkness of the room. He smiled down at Alice while straightening. "That's proof enough for you, I'm sure."

Alice looked away bashfully, but said nothing. Oz chuckled lightly, before turning to leave. "Good night, Alice."

"W-wait!" she cried, reaching out to grab Oz's sleeve. Oz looked back at her questioningly. Alice swallowed. "S-stay..." she mumbled. "Until I fall sleep."

Oz blinked, before smiling at her softly. "Alright, just this once," he said, while going to fetch a chair stationed by the dresser.

"You're being awfully obedient tonight, manservant..." commented Alice while pulling the blanket up to her eyes. "B-but I am pleased! Keep up the good work." Though she was acting like her usual bossy self, she was grinning happily below the covers. But no need for Oz to see just how happy he made her. That was too embarrassing.

Oz laughed quietly. "Was I just praised? I don't believe it."

"Well, you better!"

After that Oz placed the chair beside Alice's bed, which was about when all conversation died for the night as Alice settled down.

Both of them were completely oblivious to the door, which had been ajar the whole time, close silently just as Oz sat down.

***

They had been making their way down the corridor when they heard it; the faint but sure sound of Oz's voice.

Gilbert had heard it first just as they approached Alice's room, which was two doors down from Oz's and Gilbert's. Naturally the younger male was curious as to why Oz was still with her and insisted that they stopped to see what was going on through the slightly open door.

Break would later curse himself for listening to that request.

"...Are you sure about this, Alice?" they heard him say. "I don't want to be the target of Sharon's paper fan attack next time."

Just from that phrase alone, Break felt alarm bells go off in his head. He tried to move, to get away from the door, but Gilbert had placed a firm hand by the doorframe. Apparently, he understood the implication of Oz's words as well.

"You won't be, I promise..." she answered.

"...Alright then."

And then their eyes went wide; Gilbert's more so than Break's.

When the two teenagers parted, Break felt his shoulder go light and turned to see Gilbert stagger away from him with an expression of shell-shock. Once his back hit the wall, he started trembling.

The spark of hope that had kept Gilbert going for ten long years…

…doused in seconds.

Break wanted to reach out and say something; anything as long as it took away the sheer pain in Gilbert's eyes. However, no words came and even if they did, he couldn't risk Oz and Alice discovering them now or else it would make the situation much more complicated.

All of a sudden Gilbert stopped trembling and he hung his head forward. Unable to see his expression because of the curtain of hair in the way, Break took a step forward. However, Gilbert simply turned and walked away, not even glancing back once.

Although he was tempted to follow, Break hung back to see if any more important developments took place. But apart from Alice requesting Oz to stay for a while, it seemed that it was safe to leave them alone. So, he quietly closed the door before heading straight towards Gilbert's room.

Once outside, he hesitated.

Oz had meant the world to Gilbert; that and more. He was the only true friend that Gilbert ever had, and was the only person he would blindly trust no matter the occasion. But now... Although it had been unintentional, that one little wish that Oz had carried out completely shattered the one person that cared about him more than anyone else on the planet probably did.

And the worst part is, he would never know.

This incident would never be spoken of. Knowing Gilbert, he would carry on his role as Oz's servant but any and all wishful thinking would permanently end. As to how he would act around Oz, even Break couldn't predict. Would he be uncomfortable? Cold? Perfectly normal? Only time would tell.

Maybe in the future, or perhaps maybe even now judging from the boy's earlier hesitance, Oz might have feelings for his servant. It was hard to imagine, especially from what they just saw, but Break still pondered over it anyway. Would Oz ever reveal his feelings, if any? Would he be able to save his servant, or would he be too late? Gilbert had already been under the impression that Oz loved Alice and that alone was enough to send him spiralling down an endless, tormenting loop of hope shattered by disappointment. So the scene that had just played out before them only made things much worse. What was to become of Gilbert now that he had hit rock bottom?

With that final thought, Break tried the doorknob and was quite surprised to find it unlocked.

The only light came from a candle placed in its holder on Gilbert's study, but it was enough to illuminate the room well enough to see properly. The man in question was sprawled out on his bed with his arm over his eyes. But the way his teeth were clenched or the tears streaming down his cheeks did not go unnoticed by Break.

By the time Break had approached Gilbert's bedside, the latter had become aware of the older man's presence and hesitantly removed his arm to look up at Break. Break was slightly taken aback by the startled look in Gilbert's eyes and panicked expression.

For a few seconds, they simply stared at each other. Gilbert looked as though something was crossing his mind while Break tried to discern exactly what.

Suddenly Break was yanked forward by the lapel.

He just managed to brace his palms against the mattress on either side of Gilbert's body, preventing himself from crashing into the younger male. But then something _else_ crashed into him instead.

Break's eyes widened when he felt a pair of lips press against his.

Gilbert's.

They were Gilbert's lips.

Gilbert was _kissing_ him.

 _Gilbert_ was kissing _him_...

_"He... took the initiative... for the first time..."_

Break wracked his brain to consider all the possible reasons as to why Gilbert would do such a thing, or how they were even in this situation to begin with.

And within a matter of seconds, he had his answer.

That look from earlier... it was desperation. The one person who Gilbert had believed in the most had shattered him. So he had turned to Break for some kind of stability against the conflicting feelings that threatened to wash him away. There were no feelings behind the kiss. All this was just a way to see if he was going to get rejected twice in one night.

Did that mean that after Oz, Break was the next most important person to Gil? Or... was he just the most convenient?

If he could have, Break would've smiled cynically at it all.

Instead he chose to pick up whatever pieces of Gilbert he could by returning the kiss, before they scattered out of his reach completely.

It wasn't love. It could never be. But if Gilbert wanted- no, _needed_ to use Break as an outlet to vent his frustrations onto from now on, then it was okay with him.

After all, Break had used him too.


End file.
